Je suis toujours ici

Fall is here and I still have much to learn.  Too many spaces unexplored, too many lessons left undone to leave now.  My contract beckons and I must listen.  There is more of the journey ahead as I twist and turn.

I hear the call of something more than me, something that hovers just over head.  It is a persistent hum – a vibration that I have known since before I was born. 

This is why I am still here.

I am learning to listen, learning to speak.  I am learning to try and succeed and fail with grace; grace my namesake, my blessing, my birthright. 

I am bloodied and torn, but I am not broken.  My knees are scraped and there is mud caked to my palms, but I am not shattered.  There is silence behind, and song before, and me in the middle. 

This is why I am still here.

I stand on the side of the river.  There is no bridge, no rope, no path.  A few stones emerge above the current; stability unknown.  Turning back never crosses my mind.

One step out and then another.  This rock steady, this one not.  My feet are wet, and yet my soul presses on.  I dig my toes in deeper, squint my eyes to see beyond the ripples. 

The next step appears.  That is why I am still here.

Yes, this is why I am here

– to breath in, breath out –

and maybe take one step closer to knowing.