La Boule Azurée

I will state for the record that I love purple. 

There was a time in my early teens when I was trying to be grown-up and thought that purple was too childish.  In my quest for maturity, I swapped purple for navy blue and burgundy.  These seemed more respectable. 

But as my 10-year-old asked me this week, “Momma, why did you worry about what other people thought of you, and change what you liked best?”  Darn insightful, that little guy is.  It took me decades to learn that lesson.

So yes, I love purple and if that makes me silly and childish, then sobeit. 

I love all shades of purple from a soft lilac to a heady aubergine, from a dark violet to a spicy electric plum.  And I like to surround myself with it too.  I adorn myself with bits of lavender and iris like a hermit crab decorating her shell.  I write with an indigo pen, often in a grape-colored notebook.  This fall I set up a workspace in our very masculine-looking home (I needed a feminine space to create).  And I won’t lie, there is a decent amount of mauve, amethyst, and wisteria in there. 

Thus, it was not too much of a surprise that on one of our recent hikes the voluptuous dark lavender bulb of the Southern Globe Thistle stopped me right in my tracks.  Others walked over her, but I had to take a moment to fawn over her like some love-sick puppy.

Perfectly round and delicate with unapologetically indigo petals, she claimed a vaulted space right in the middle of the trail.  I studied her from different sides, seeing how the light caught her shape, how the dew left-over from the night sparkled against her leaves, how she seemed to burst out in all directions like a firework. 

Yet as delectable as she was on top, her spikey stems and leaves were equally vicious below.  Each green surface was riddled with spines and prickles.  I noticed tiny needle-like petals protruding surreptitiously from the inner parts of her flower as well.  There was no safe place for an outsider like me to take hold.  And that was the point.

She was a beacon that said, “Yes, I am stunning.  But you may only look; do not touch!” 

It was quite an elaborate mechanism to survive and thrive; keeping her accessible in only the ways that worked for her.  And gathering from the sea of other Globe Thistle plants standing proudly around her on that plateau, this tactic was a successful approach for her species.  Each of them appealing in color and scent to the bee, butterfly, and moth; yet fearsome to the mountain goat, bird, and intermittent human.

This duality stayed with me for weeks:  intoxicating beauty and fierce armor paired together.  I respected it and understood it on a scientific level – it being not unlike the rose and the thorn.  Yet I felt there was something more than just science that caught my attention.

And then my dear friend and mentor, Mia Togo¹, gifted me another jewel last week.  In her quintessential way, she told me that I couldn’t have love without strong boundaries.  I thought of those spikes on the Globe Thistle and how they protected the flower and seeds from harm.

“You must be ruthless with your boundaries,” Mia explained, “’No’ is a love word”.  She went on to explain how critical it is that I listen to my inner truth and know when my “no” is a “no”.  Period. 

I considered all of the ways that my “no” is often softened as a “I don’t think so” or a “maybe not” or a “perhaps later”, when I know in my heart that I simply want to say “no”.  I just don’t want to disappoint people or I want them to see me as affable, open-minded, or kind-hearted.  But I can’t really be in relationship with myself or others if I let the world march all over my boundaries.  

Instead, I can be both beautiful and protected, only allowing in that which serves me. 

So I’m trying to remember the sumptuous purple Southern Globe Thistle as I move through my week.  How she stands proud and strong, her colors delightful and tantalizing.  And also how she is ruthless in her boundaries and unflinching in claiming what she needs to take care of herself.

Bisous,
Hanna

1. Explore Mia Togo’s website to learn more about how she guides students on the path of transformation. https://www.miatogo.com/ ↩︎